Therapy Frequently Asked Questions:

Why do people go to therapy? 

People go to therapy for many different reasons.  Major life changes like marriage, divorce, loss of a loved one, loss of a job, past or recent traumas are some big reasons.  Many people go because they are struggling with a big decision or are unhappy in a relationship.  Some people notice that they are struggling with negative thoughts they can’t work through regarding their past or present.  There are infinite reasons, but at the end of the day, therapy is a great way to get an unbiased perspective from someone outside of your inner circle.  It’s a gift you give yourself so that you can have uninterrupted time to focus on you and your personal growth.   

How do I find a therapist? 

Word of mouth is a great way to find a good therapist. If you know someone who is in therapy or who has had success with a therapist, this is a great start. BUT, a therapist who is right for your friend may not be right for you.  

Your insurance company will have resources on their website. Many of the sites can make the information difficult to find, however, so don’t be afraid to call the number on your card for mental health services and ask a customer service representative.  They will often walk you through a search or offer to email you a list of providers they are contracted with.  Once you have the list, decide what is important to you and go from there (location, gender of the therapist, information on the therapists’ website, availability).

Another great source is psychologytoday.com. Many therapists have a dedicated page on the site listing their credentials, specialties and what insurance they might take.  You can do a search with drop-downs based on any of the criteria that is important to you.  

Many LGBTQ centers, community centers, and religious or cultural institutions offer therapy services.  If you are a college student, your student health services probably have therapy resources as well.  Veterans organizations will frequently offer group therapy options or individual therapy resources.  You can even find groups or individuals on social media services like Facebook and Instagram.

If you need help finding someone, ask a trusted friend or family member.  In the throes of debilitating depression or crippling anxiety, this kind of research can seem insurmountable.  Maybe you don’t have to do it alone.  You will have to make the appointment yourself, but finding a short list of providers to call is something anyone can help you with if you are willing to ask.

How do I know if a therapist is right for me? 

Many therapists will offer a consultation call before booking a first appointment. This gives you both the opportunity to “meet” and see if it feels right for you. If during this call, the therapist says something you don’t agree with or doesn’t seem to fit what you are looking for, let them know you will call back when you are ready to set something up.  Then, call the next therapist on your list.  The first call to the first therapist you make might not always be the therapist you end up with.  Or maybe you do and after a few sessions, it isn’t working out.  A good therapist should know this is a possibility and be first and foremost concerned you are getting the help that you need.  

Think about what you want and/or what you may be struggling with while looking.  If you are a Christian, a therapist with Christian counseling added to their site/credentials will likely be a better fit for you than a therapist who leans on Eastern religions and practices like meditation or yoga. If you are middle-aged or elderly, you might avoid a therapist who lists themselves as specializing in child psychology.  Get as much information as you can from the therapists’ site.  If the therapist doesn’t seem to have a website, be sure to ask about anything that might be important to you when reaching out for an appointment (i.e. disclose if you are working through trauma or addiction, ask if the therapist has experience with borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder, etc).

Do I need to do anything to prepare for therapy? 

Aside from filling out the necessary intake forms, the short answer is no.  Therapy is all about starting from where you are already.  The therapist will determine where that is and meet you there.  

During an initial session, you can expect to give your therapist some background information regarding your personal history and family history, or history of the problem that brought you.  You will also want to provide some information about why you are pursuing therapy.  But, the reason you start with may or may not be the only things you talk about and work on.  That’s up to what you and your therapist decide together, and the reason you are there might be as simple as: you want to feel better.  

How long do people typically go to therapy? 

This will vary greatly depending on the reason you are seeing a therapist and how your goals change over that time.  How frequently you see your therapist depends on what you're looking to address in therapy and how supported you currently feel. It is not uncommon for a new client to begin with weekly sessions, and eventually decrease to one session every couple of weeks until they feel their goals have been met. Sometimes people need more support at the beginning of therapy, and along with their therapist may choose to begin with multiple sessions per week before meeting once per week, and so on. Once the patient feels they have accomplished their goals, they may decide to discontinue sessions, but leave the door open for an occasional one off session or a check in process once a month.  There are no hard and fast rules, but that should at least provide an idea of frequency, which will always be subject to what you and your therapist decide together.  

How will I get the most out of therapy? 

Show up.  

The most important thing is to commit to this process, not unlike with a diet or exercise plan. You will likely experience some immediate relief, but you may leave some sessions feeling less than spectacular or even just meh.  Therapy is a cumulative process that benefits us most when we commit to doing it regularly.  

It’s tempting to lie or omit relevant information to make ourselves seem like the person we want to be rather than being honest about the person we are right now. Therapy is an opportunity to practice radical honesty, both with yourself and your therapist. As vulnerable as it can be, clients generally find that the more honest they are with themselves and their therapist, the more progress they are able to experience.

Some therapists give homework assignments if patients are open to it, and is designed with the client’s benefit in mind. It can be as simple as: “think about what your ideal job would be,” or more reflective: “write down your thoughts about ___ before next session.”  A therapist won’t task you with anything you aren’t willing to do.  But if you are open to it, communicate that to your therapist so they can integrate it into your work together. 

What can I expect during a therapy session?

As mentioned previously, an initial session usually includes your personal history as well as family history.  If you are in crisis or recovering from a recent traumatic event, the first handful of sessions might just focus on stabilizing your emotional state.  Sessions tend to last 45-50 minutes and may take place via phone call, video chat or in office.

Following sessions will vary. Many therapists will want an update since the last session and that alone will set the stage for this session.  Especially if there was an assignment in between. A subsequent session may focus on a new topic or problem you’d like to discuss.  Again, this is something you decide with your therapist.  

A therapy session is NOT: An interrogation, a one-way conversation, or a means by which you are forced to discuss or address anything you are uncomfortable with.