Managing Major Depression: What’s Worked For Me and What Hasn’t

I am not a therapist or a doctor. I am a 20+ year survivor of major depression. At 13 years old I was forced into family therapy by my parents when they found out I’d been self injuring/cutting. My parents were of the Southern Baptist variety and our therapist was a Christian counselor. The sessions ended up being entirely more about my parents’ fighting and my little sister’s debilitating anxiety and over-all I didn’t get much out of it.  

From 13 to 18 years old I continued to cut and burn and by the time I moved out of my parents’ house at 18 I’d started experimenting with alcohol and marijuana. My depressive episodes were getting worse and after something like 3 days of no sleep, near constant crying and hallucinations due to the lack of sleep, I tried checking myself into an inpatient program when I didn’t know what else to do. Because I was not actively suicidal I was not admitted, but I did start navigating the process of finding a therapist. This was all pre-internet, so if you think healthcare is a hassle now, you don’t know the half of it. 

Eventually I found an amazing therapist who introduced me to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy among other things. My family medical doctor had been treating my mother for depression and anxiety for years, so I checked in with him and tried 6 different antidepressant medications before we finally found one that worked for me.  That was a rough 3-4 months of waiting for the medication to start working, but the therapy did give me immediate hope if not immediate relief. 

In my 27 years of managing my depression, I’ve tried a lot of things. Among the many things I’ve tried, some worked well and others didn’t have much effect. And at different times in my journey some things have worked better than others. 

Medication

It took me many years and many therapists to get okay with using anti-depressants as tools. I’ll admit, most of it was the associated stigma as well as living with a mother who took them improperly and had frequent breakdowns because of it. Also, like most people, I am stubborn and didn’t want to admit to myself my brain doesn’t function like other peoples’ brains and that I needed extra help. All that is silly to me now and when I find I can’t do it alone with the other tools I’ll share, I go back to my doctor and I start the process over again. It also took me some time to realize that I not only take medication for myself, I take it for the friends and family I encounter on a daily basis.  No one likes to see someone they care about struggling. I know I don’t. So I take medication for myself but I also take it for my friends, family, and coworkers. 

Exercise

I can’t stress enough how important exercise is to my mental upkeep. If I skip more than 2 days of being physically active I can feel an immediate backlash from it. I do it all: weights, cardio, yoga.  But yoga and cardio seem to be the essentials to balance me.  I can’t speak to the science of how it all works. But I don’t have to.  I can tell you from the intrapersonal research I’ve been logging over the last 27 years of living with depression: It works for me. 

Therapy

Talk therapy for depressed individuals has been proven over and over again. Therapy is the most nurturing form of self care I have ever gifted myself. It helps me get perspective, it helps me feel less alone and it helps me to be a better communicator, partner and friend. Cognitive Behavior Therapy is something I can do in my sleep now and some of my most recent therapists I sought out because they do mindfulness based therapy practices and that is a great pairing with my yoga and meditation. 

Meditation

Both meditation and yoga were suggested to me by a therapist. Yoga I began pretty immediately. Meditation took some years for me to catch up to it.  And since then, I’ve learned this...Meditation is extremely beneficial for me when I am stable.  It gives me incredible insight and clarity. But if and when I am unstable (maybe having an episode or nearing a return to medication) then meditation is not only impossible, it feels a bit masochistic. Sitting with your thoughts when thoughts are negatively spiraling out of control is not very useful.  However, when I practice over and over in the calmer, quieter times, it gives me an advantage at reigning in those spiraling negative thoughts and better peace of mind over all. 

Volunteering

Before I was diagnosed with depression I actively volunteered with children, the elderly and homeless populations. When I began hitting my lowest points, I could barely get out of bed and go to work, much less motivate myself to do for others. But when my first therapist suggested it to me, I figured...why not try it, I’ve done it before.  And it had a very positive effect. When a person is depressed they frequently turn so far inward it’s really hard to gain any real perspective of the world around them. Volunteering in a way that you are helping others truly helps me to pull out of that mind set.  

Journaling

I know writing isn’t for everyone, but I’ve been journaling on and off since I was about 11 years old. It’s a practice I always come back to when I need to sort things out or get my feelings out in a constructive way. It also helps me be a better communicator because often my first version of my feelings don’t turn out to be my lasting feelings. Journaling coupled with CBT has surely saved me many a blow up or breakdown. 

Some failed attempts and near misses

I have experimented with micro-dosing on LSD and with Psilocybin. My initial experience with both was positive, but on my next day dosing (following suggested scheduling and dosages I’d found online) were less euphoric and more disorienting. Most of the research for using these are in treatment of PTSD though there is research being done into treatment for depression. I think this would be best attempted with the oversight of a physician, but these type studies aren’t readily available. 

Having tried acupuncture for some hormonal issues previously, I looked into using it to treat my depression and anxiety. The first time I tried it, I was weaning off my medications and coupled it with a metabolic detox. A second time I tried was when I was just on the verge of starting back on my anti-depressants. It was helpful, but I don’t think I would use this as a sole treatment. The thing it was most effective at treating for me was the body tension and insomnia that comes with my depression and anxiety. It can also be costly and time consuming. I would definitely use acupuncture again, but only as an enhancement to therapy and exercise. It was not a stand-alone solution for me. 

Another near miss for me was EFT tapping.  It was recommended by my acupuncturist, and I tried it daily for about a month. It also had some minor benefits, but I think it triggered more of my compulsive behavior than it helped settle me or give me a positive outlook. It seems to benefit many people though, so don’t dismiss it just because it didn’t work for me.  

Not everything works for everyone. But in managing depression for this long, I’m always open to try new solutions and tools as more research is done. While working with a doctor or therapist I always recommend talking about what you are trying out and how it might be working. They should be open to helping you get the best results you can. Whatever you try, don’t lose hope.  I can’t be sure that what worked for me will work for you, but I can promise you that if you keep trying, SOMETHING will start to shift things in a positive direction for you too.